As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase in plan that would be known as “EuroEnglish”.
In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly,this will make the sivil servants jump for joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e”s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away. By the 4th year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords containing “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a realy sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand each ozer.
2. Write in the missing dates
1. The Armada is the name of the Spanish Fleet that was defeated by the English navy in …… .
2. The Act of Supremacy was passed in …… and declared the sovereign to be the secular head of the Church of England.
3. The Titanic was a British passenger liner which collided with an iceberg on her maiden voyage to New York in …… .
4. The final battle of the Napoleonic Wars, which was in ……, is called the Battle of Waterloo.
5. A famous battle in English history, in which William the Conqueror defeated the Anglo-Saxon King Harold near Hastings in ……, is called the Battle of Hastings.
6. Magna Carta is the charter granted by King John in ……, which recognised the rights and privileges of the barons, the Church and the freemen.
7. The present sovereign, Queen Elizabeth II, had her Coronation in …… .
8. An epidemic of bubonic plague in London in ……, when more than 70,000 people died, out of an estimated population of 460,000 is called the Great Plague of London.
9. The Battle of Britain was the battle between British and German aircraft over London and the south of England in …… .
10. A fire which destroyed more than a half the city of London, including the old St Paul’s Cathedral, in …… is called the Great Fire of London.
11. British forces defeated Argentine forces in battles for control of the Falkland Islands in …… .
12. The Commonwealth of Nations was established in …… .
13. Britain became a member of the European Community, an economic organization that is now part of the European Union, in …… .
14. Scientists in Scotland cloned a sheep named Dolly in …… .
15. The wedding of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer was in ……. .
Karolina 1f 13/15
Kamila 1e 15/15
Radek 1a 12/15
Radek 1a 40/41
Joanna 1f 39/41
Justyna 1f 39/41
Michał T 1a 32/41
Katarzyna 1f 41/41
Homophones are words that sound the same when you pronounce them, but have different meanings and different spellings:
to, too, two
bite, byte, bight
right, rite, write, wright
They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the arguments. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”
So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mails. They sent out e-mails with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.
But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming “It’s gone! It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!”
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours. Satan observed this and became irritated.
“Wait! He cheated, how did he do it?”, said Satan.
God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves”.
Underneath the famous ecological slogan “SAVE TREES” someone added “Eat beaver”. In the library of an American university, the librarian left a notice saying “Back in a minute”. Someone then scribbled the signature “Godot”. Graffiti, the art of writing on the walls, is believed to be as old as the human race. It is a way of commenting on current social and political events, and of mocking advertising slogans. It can also be a way of expressing oneself for people who have no chance or no courage to express their views in public. Graffiti writers use all sorts of walls available but probably the most popular are public lavatory walls, maybe because of the privacy they guarantee. Most graffiti are witty and humorous and provide excellent free entertainment.
How do you like these?
YOU’RE NEVER ALONE WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA.
KEEP BRITAIN TIDY – Kill a tourist (added to the environment protection slogan).
JESUS SAVES – “Today he is the only one who can afford to” (comment on popular religious advertisement).
J0in the ARMY – “meet interesting people and kill them” (someone replied).
“God is dead – Nietzsche”, (someone wrote). “Nietzsche is dead – God”, (another graffiti writer added).
However, graffiti can also be a form of vandalism. Some graffiti writers vandalise walls of buildings with obscenities and various kinds of abuse. Compared to many of these, the following slogan does not seem obscene at all: “Eat beans, America needs gas”. In most countries graffiti is regarded as a criminal offence. In Britain, if you are caught painting walls, you can be punished with a fine, or even sent to prison for up to ten years.
The authorities can also order you to remove every trace of your activity. Local authorities organise graffiti removing squads, and the London Underground spends about two million pounds every year on cleaning trains and station walls. This, however, does not discourage numerous graffiti writers who cover the walls of the whole world with thousands of new pictures and comments every year. [taken from “Tests in English”]
Do you know any funny and wise graffiti slogans?
I’d like to introduce to you a fine article on British English vocabulary written by Chris McCarthy entitled Do you speak ‘British’ English? and as a follow-up a short video review made by Chris CJWorkman17.
So, enjoy reading and watching it and ask yourself the question:
Do I speak ‘British’ English?
Start by reading the whole article LINK.
für alle in der Schule, die Deutsch mögen
Funny pictures & cartoons to make you smile.
One Step To Better English
A haven for grammar bunnies
Listen to Real British English
A blog for teachers
New material at http://www.learnbritishenglish.co.uk/ from April 2013